my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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