My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
porn star boner night. come get it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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