explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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