i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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