I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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