Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
