she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
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I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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