i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
