Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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