I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
