I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
