you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize