This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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