you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
