these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
