Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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