I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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