there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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