I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
