If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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