So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
