You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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