You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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