Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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