you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
