Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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