it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she looked like the before picture.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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