Define "chronic" masturbator.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
