never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
