the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
