go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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