was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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