lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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