Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize