There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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