Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
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it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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