I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
