I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
