Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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