I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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