I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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