I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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