walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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