my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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