True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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