I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
COCAINE IS GR8
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
