I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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