Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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