Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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