I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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