pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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