when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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