i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
