lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
