Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
