the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
