I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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