We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize