Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just google imaged poop.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
