drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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