According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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