Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i was born a porn star she said
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
